Day ZERO!

I dont have much energy to think again today but do want to say that I appreciate all of the inspiration I've been getting from you. In an hour or so the staff will load up my chemo tree with a new bag or 2 of stem cells from a kind donor. It's difficult really for me to comprehend such a kind act from a complete stranger. But then, there is a certain amazing book that tries to help us learn to do such things...
Cathie and my Dad are here with me today. The weather outside is sunny. I can see the Torrey Pines Golf Course staff below going about their business preparing for the next visit by Tiger Woods and gang! I'll post as soon as I can.
Thanx again!

Day -1

Not really. I wasnt up to posting yesterday. It is now day zero! Yesterday was good though cuz I had a great visit from my family. Finished out the 'conditioning' treatment (thats what the doctors call 7 days of chemo before a transplant). I now have a new appreciation for those of you who have, and in at least one case continue to receive, chemo treatment. Thank you for staying with us.

Day -2

Monday's almost past. Today I saw my last round of Cytoxan. Not one of my favorite poisons so far. Tomorrow I'll get what I think is my last round of ATG, not a chemo. It doesnt seem to effect me as much now, very little chills. That probably means my T-Cells are nearly depleted. By tomorrow night my white blood cell counts should be near zero so they wont interfere with my donor cell infusion on Day zero.
Tonight between Cytoxan and ATG I ate dinner. I dont know if that's what did it but soon after eating my mouth became painful. They said this would probably happen, mouth sores. So, I'll hit the saline water rinse more often.
Dad came at 9:30 this morn and hung out with me a few hours. Claudia, my sister, came a little later and hung. Cathie came after most of her work day at 1:30pm. She left and came back with Maddie and Dylan for a couple hours. They did some homework.
I wasnt very good company because of the increasing mental effects of the chemo and ATG. I've been looking at all my daily blood counts along with the doctors. We can see that the counts are progressing as planned. Starting tomorrow, the effects of all the chemos will really start catching up to me. I'll need to make extra efforts to do the things they want me to do daily until the new stem cells start producing baby cells. Take 3 walks per day, eat, rinse mouth with a couple things, shower every day, exercise my lungs using a breathing device. After I get the cells infused on Wed, there is likely to be a 12-20 day wait for signs of grafting and subsequent improvements from my new stem cells. Time to hunker down, get tough. I really appreciate all the prayers, good will, and positive energy I've been feeling from my 11 readers! Again, I know this is not exactly an uplifting blog to read. And I hope I am not coming across as a complainer. I'm trying to inform those who wish to be, not so much about my progress, but as a way for you to understand the impact my situation is having upon my family as I am somewhat limited in my ability and position to help them during this time. What's more, I want to be inspired to make this journey and maybe provide some kind of inspiration for any of you who may have to, or have already, taken similar journeys. As I said, I already feel your help with this mutual inspiration project.

Day -3

Still here and recovered from the first round of ATG!

I meant to post a second edition yesterday after my chemo dance with ATG. Alas, ATG knocked me out with chills, fever, headache, and dizziness. It would have been better if I could have taken tylenol, but that was off limits cuz of the busulfex.
This is what I understand is happening with my white blood cells, especially T-Cells. T-Cells are the dudes that really go out to destroy foreign particles in the body. We have to get them down in order for them not to attack incoming stem cells wednesday. over the past 4 days, the busulfex has essentially put the whammy on new T-Cell production. IE: there are no re-enforcements for the T-Cells. However, the busulfex only stops new production of T-Cells, therefore any T-Cells hanging around before the busulfex must be now nuked. So they use this stuff called ATG. This are Antithymocyte Globulin Rabbit antibodies. Harmless little rabbit antibodies. However, when they are injected into the patients system, they alarm the T-Cells to the max. This is what the T-Cells do: Eat the antibodies, release cytokines, hope for re-enforcements. Eating the antibodies is good. Dont need them, but they are really not a harm anyway. Releasing Cytokines will heat things up causing fever, sometimes killing the foreign particles if they are heat-sensitive. There are no T-Cell re-enforcements, they all went home. After shooting their wad on the rabbit antibodies, the T-Cells die. So, the whole little staged fight is very well orchestrated to be deadly for the poor little rabbit antibodies and the T-Cells. For the chemo recipient the experience fortunately is not deadly. I have 3 more sessions of ATG chemo the next 3 days. I am going to ask for Demerol. Also today and tomorrow I get the final chemo called Cytoxan. This is the writeup on Cytoxan: "Cyclophosphamide stops the growth of cancer cells, causing them to die." I'll just leave it at that for Cytoxan. Well, reading on now, there is one more chemo in store. It is called Methotrexate. This drup stops the growth of cancer cells. I will get shots of this stuff Jan 10, 12, 15, and 20.
I dont know what I would have done last night without Cathie stroking my fore brow and whispering words of encouragement.

Day -4: a.m. edition

Hi. Here are my counts.
Hgb:8.3, WBC:17.5, Plt:161
These dont look much diff than when I came in. However, Docs and nurses say that the White Blood Cell count will plummet to zero by day +5 for me. So far I'm getting high marks for energy upkeep and no mouth sores. Developing a few aches and pains but that could be from my constant muscle use getting in and out of bed to go pee-pee. They keep dripping in saline solution non-stop, not much I can do but pee into the big cup, yes, they want to measure everything coming and going. Here's what on tap today. ATG infusion. This is some foul stuff that is meant to start knocking out my remaining T-Cells. Often, the administration of ATG is accompanied by chills and fever although there is no actual infection. This is due to the T-Cells releasing cytokines. We'll see how this goes today. It is important to reduce the T-Cells so they dont attack my new stem cells on day zero.
Eating a tuna melt sandwich now as i'm getting my 14th dose of busulfex. The sandwich still tastes good. Pretty soon it'll all taste bad. but thats all relative.

Day -5

The storms are moving in from the West. I get a direct view of them climbing over the western horizon, then above the torrey pines cliffs onto the links. Now if only I could buzz down some of the volunteer trees that currently serve to shield the hospital from the eyes of the aesthetically demanding professional golfers. No tourney this week. No Tiger Woods, Singh, etc... Lets see... yes, only my 2 doctors can be seen on hole 12.
They are supposed to be doing rounds right now. ouch. If one gets a birdie all is forgiven.
Family came and left today. Dad did solitaire and read the paper. Cathie and Dylan spelled him, Cathie worked via her new Verizon broadband card, Dylan watched TV. He and I got in a quick game of chair tag. That's tag where no one can leave the chair. Since i'm hooked up with tubes it's only fair. Dylan won.
I'm on my 11th bag of busulfex today at 6pm. Ironically, 3 out of the 4 dosings are accompanied by a meal. The meals come at the 6am, noon, and 6pm busulfex dosings. I still get the hiccups now whenever I eat. They seem to be mitigated by the Adivan, and dont keep me awake. I'm told that by next week I will reach the low point of this jouney; day zero. no energy, mouth sores, no appetite, and other unmentionables. We'll see how it goes. I will not be giving up.

Day -6

Settling in to my room here at Scripps. The chemo is coming hot and heavy, each dose lasting 2 hours repeatable 4 times per day for 6 days. After the busulfex i'll be on another similar drug for 2 days. Its called Cytoxan 4. The cocktail of Busulfex and Cytoxan is supposed to make my old stem cells (and others) go away.
Dose 7 of 16 of busulfex is coming up at midnight tonight. Theyre also giving me an antibiotic drug, an anti-seizure iv and a pill to prevent gerd. I'm a little dizzy from the Adivan but basically free of other side-effects from busulfex yet. However, I seem to have caught a permanent case of hiccups. Luckily it stops after I go to sleep.
Well, I have 2 more days of Busulfex and 2 of Cytoxan yet to cope with. If I'm lucky my body will avoid getting some of the more serious side effects. I'm still eating pretty well. The food is neutrophenic so it doesnt contain nasty little bugs that could hurt my weakened immune system. No fresh fruit! bummer. My blood counts are taken every morning and are starting to slide. This is good. They'll let the white counts slide to zero. I'll get plateletes so i dont bleed to death. and I'll get red blood cells so i dont die of a heart attack. Donor stem cells will be infused on day +0, next Wed. They will move into healthy bone marrow and do the job that my stem cells stopped doing. A nurse just came in with something for my hiccups. Compazine. I looked this up and think I will pass on it. In 1o min, the nurse comes to take my vitals and then i get 2 more Adivan in prep for the midnight-2apm buselfex poisoning. Whoopee! They tell me to walk around the ward floor 3 times a day. So far so good. I'm going to checkout the treadmill machine in the patient room tomorrow. Family is visiting every day, hanging out. It's so sad when they have to leave. We also sense your prayers, good will, and positive energy. Thank you! You are an inspiration to us.
Regards all!